On Being Single: A Personal Reflection

When I was in primary relationship, during the first two-thirds of my adult life, I had the belief that being in relationship was important for and almost necessary for self-development. That having to coordinate my life with another person's kept me "honest", kept my ego in check, and confronted me with my shadow sides and the inner work to be done.

What I didn't realize, that I've only learned during the past 9 years of being single, is that relationship patterns can also keep you in mental-emotional ruts, and that one can really witness themselves in a different, and profound way, when one is not in relationship.

While I very much want to be in a primary relationship again, want to love another again, and feel that relationship is a wonderful path to Spirit, I now realize, and cherish, the value of my years as a single person.

Given the space I've had being alone, I've been able to reflect upon what past experiences remained unhealed and needed clearing. I've seen my own attitudinal ruts and biases more clearly, and learned to separate from them. It has been easier to get in touch with, and stay in touch with, my own needs, and to orchestrate my life therefrom (since I'm the kind of person who pays a lot of attention to my partner's needs).

And the loneliness that at first permeated my life (after my divorce) has faded, and I've learned to rejoice in the space that life gives me.

What I'm trying to communicate is that whether one is in relationship or not, gifts are present. That, contrary to our society's values, being single is more than o.k. That it has been a way for me to find myself, and to own myself, more deeply. And much to my surprise, I keep growing emotionally and spiritually much more consistently than I ever dreamed I could, being single.

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