Recent Insights: October1999

Updated: Saturday, October 16, 1999

1. Goodness. I am reminded all of the time of how good most people are. The people I meet in my practice, in my daily life, and in my closer connections are all so caring, open, and honest, and spiritual at heart. We read about all the terrible ways people treat people in the newspaper, and yet most people who will never be written up in any newspaper do acts of kindness all of the time. We need to remember that.

2. Beginnings. I just met and started dating a wonderful woman, and am beginning to realize what it means to relate at a more mature level. To be able to speak directly about what you want and don't want, to stay in touch with your own needs while caring about the other, to not "make up stories" or build walls in your head but instead stay clear, open, and connected, to see the other person clearly, without projections or exaggerations or expectations, and to relate to them and learn to really like them just as they are. I've learned a great deal in the past week.

3. Connectedness. In the past, I have "dropped everything" and everyone upon starting a new relationship, but this time I'm not. My friends are so important to me -- and I've become enough less compulsive -- that I don't act that way any more. Instead, I'm keeping up my regular connections, and life, while exploring my newfound relationship.

4. Codependency. When I've "fallen in love" in the past, I believed that I had to jump at every chance to see "her", and do everything to please her, without checking in with myself and my own needs at all. Now I realize that I count too, and that I won't become resentful or off-balanced -- and she won't reject me -- if I stay in touch with myself and say no -- even to getting together -- if that's what I need. This is a big breakthrough for me.

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