Recent Insights: June 1999

Updated: Sunday, June 13, 1999

1. Beginnings. When an exciting new opportunity in my life arises, whether in my professional or personal life, it is all too easy for me to "spin out" into over-anticipating successes and failures and fantasizing what the future will bring. I realize that doing so will "clutter up" my mind field, and perhaps get me attached to or afraid of a future that in all probability will not unfold at all like I'm imagining it. By paying attention to my thinking processes, and calming and clearing my mind, I end up much happier and more ready for whatever life brings me.

2. Success. For my type of physiology -- fast reactions, emotionally based, leaning towards anxiety and over-thinking -- when I experience successes in my life, I need to consciously stay grounded and neither veer into over-exhilaration or oppositely the anxiety/anticipation of life's inevitable changes and therefore "down cycles" in the future. By learning to take my successes in stride, while still acknowledging them and being thankful for them, I can continue to grow and thrive.

3. Yearning. Most people, myself included, have at least one area of our lives that we wish would improve significantly. For me it is relationship. I've been divorced for over four years now, and very much want to be in a deep relationship. I know, however, that I don't want to "make it happen", i.e. force things by getting into an inappropriate relationship prematurely, nor do I want to miss the boat by staying too isolated and unavailable. The dance is a strange one, l'm learning how to be at peace with and thankful for a life that is actually very wonderful, while at the same time letting myself continue to want what I don't have, without making too much of what's missing.

4. Maturing. For years, I lived believing the importance of letting one's inner child have its way. Only in the past few years have I come to understand the excesses of this approach. There is incredible value in being in touch with one's joy, spontaneity, impulse, and freshness, but not at the expense of mature consideration. One's inner adult must manage the child, or else impulse, emotion, and desire can reign. I am not any less childlike or less sensitive to my emotional needs, but am now cultivating a healthy respect for more restraint, forethought, and having the appropriate mental distance from my emotional drives.

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