Sunday, July 23, 1999
1. Loss and Change. It has been an interesting month. In two days, my cat of 9 years died in his sleep of liver failure, my car was broken into at Lake Chabot and the stereo stolen, my dog got caught in a snag by the lake and miraculously freed herself before getting hurt, and one of my best friend's heart stopped for 20 seconds during an operation and then was restarted by the hospital staff. I mourned (and am mourning) my cat's death, knowing that his spirit is peaceful and has moved on. This loss, and the potential loss of my other loved ones, showed me how unimportant the automobile break-in was. It also showed me that I can weather life's changes better than in the past, and that I am more aware that staying clear and centered is far better than over-reacting or getting attitudinal. I am grateful for all of the years I enjoyed with my cat, and that is more important than his being gone now. May he journey well.
2. Truly serving. I'm growing more aware of how important it is, as well, to make serving my primary aim. The more I focus on the needs of my clients, instead of any format or agenda I think is important, the better I serve them. Especially in my astrology transit sessions (looking at the future), I used to get stuck in trying to cover too many details in a session. Just lately, I've broken through to a new level where I focus on what will serve each of my clients most, and synthesize the astrological themes more effectively than ever before because of this.
3. Self-honesty. I'm continually reminded that the most important way I can grow is by being willing to look at and own the patterns and blindnesses that I have been immersed in. Facing myself inevitably leads to my eyes -- and my heart --opening wider. The more I give up defending myself, trying to prove myself, apologizing for myself, or asking for approval, the clearer I am, for example. I'm experiencing greater and greater freedom as a result.
4. Fear. It is strange that after living in fear most of my life, with anxieties, worries, and negative anticipations, I now spend so little time in fear. I turn around (internally) every so often and am struck by the change. Who am I? And where did old Hank go? I cannot tell you how thankful I am to be this free of fear. The fruits of my years of labor uprooting patterns of worry and tightening are very sweet, and I am completely grateful.
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